I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
