I think my vagina is haunted
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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