I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
