Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
