so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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