Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My liver just had a heart attack.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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