break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
