I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
