I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
