i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
