Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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