explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
