Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
