he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
