Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
