my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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