I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
