Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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