It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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