Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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