Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize