i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
