We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
