Is it normal to miss your booty call?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
