i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
