3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
