The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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