I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i will never coherently bang her
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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