thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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