last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
