The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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