I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
