they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
