guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
