I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
