Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
so let's talk penis.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
