If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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