walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
