your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
