So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
