is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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