is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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