If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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