It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
