Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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