yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
