She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
