My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
