There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
