yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i was born a porn star she said
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
