At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
