make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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