i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
