I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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