I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize