I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
