don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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