I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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