Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
