im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
