Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've blown a few things in my day
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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