Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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