And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
