Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
