You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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