Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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