Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
