Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize