A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
